Sometimes words are unnecessary*

Silence is one of the great arts of conversation according to Cicero. So why is it that silence isn’t used more intentionally? Why is it that after a while silence becomes uncomfortable?

There are of course cultural differences (click here) with the amount of time that people feel comfortable with silence. However no matter the difference between cultures, silence can be used as an effective tactic in various settings, being it in coaching, meetings, presentations or even when alone.

Silence for conversations

This article’s purpose I will focus on conversations (individual, team) but specifically in high stake moments. My experience working and playing with silence has been evolving over time. From feeling very awkward to actually using it very intentionally, almost in a playful way.

3 ways silence has become as useful friend

1. Idea generator-  Can I resist the need to add more information or restate a statement if no immediate reactions occurs? This is important for 2 reasons: first, people might just need time to think and articulate an argument. Secondly, depending on the team maturity (or the maturity of the relationships), people will need time to assess whether they can « go for it » or not.

2. Diversity enhancer - silence can be a good mean to ensure that the unusual voices get a chance to be heard. In teams, there are patterns of communication and personal preferences that cristallise and are difficult to change. By using silence, patterns can reshaped.

3. Thinking partner. This one is a bit different but essentially it is about suppressing distractions around me - aka noise - such as music, emails, reading. By doing this and staying on my own, the quality of my thinking, the attention to what’s going on emotionally dramatically improves.

Silence as a skill

Silence can be a great companion and can give voice to the unusual. It has the potential to transform relationships and break patterns but it also takes an ability from the individual and teams to cope with it, to hold the space when it gets uncomfortable.

Try this

A simple way to start and try it: think of a situation where you are usually in the lead but would wish for others to be more proactive. The next time you feel the urge to reply or jump in, stop. Count until 10 in your head and see what happens (or more if you are in culture where staying silent is easier). 10 seconds can feel like 100 seconds, yet most of the time you will be surprised.

*Sometimes words are very unnecessary according to Depeche Mode. So Enjoy the Silence.